Hippylostintime’s Weblog

As I was sitting here, enjoying an ice-cold Coke and thinking about all the things I could be doing, I experienced a slight Nirvahnic (I think that’s a new word!) moment.  I realized that I had come to a point in my life where guilt has very little influence over me any more.

Not that I’m totally free.  I am a mom, after all.  Years from now I’m sure that one (or more) of my children will be in counseling (or talking to a friend over an icy cold Coke) and blaming me for their neurosis.  But overall, the guilt that use to drive so much of my life has been banished.  “Goodbye to you…”

In the one set of circles I run in, guilt is seen as a spiritual gift — or at least, the ability to manipulate someone with guilt is.  The never ending needs of people who are drawn to churches have to be doled out, and “dealt with,” as I’ve heard some pastors say.  Me, being the spouse of a pastor who actually really cares about people, constantly battled with the “shoulds” that intruded on our family.  And, as lovely as the man I married is, he comes from a background founded in guilt (both parental and spiritual), and he would allow the excess to careless spill over onto me at times.  Being the loving wife I am (just ask me), I would graciously (OK, not always graciously) take many things upon myself simply out of guilt.

But to be motivated by guilt is just wrong.  On a spiritual level (no where in the Bible), an emotional level (come on, do you really want people in your life motivated to be there just because you’re making them by making them feel bad??!!??), and just a humanity level.  I was in a culture where so much was “accomplished” by making another person feel bad — making them feel bad for “doing” or “not doing” a thing. 

Change that comes through the motivation of guilt never, ever is long term.  Guilt is a lie … while there are things we need to do to maintain certain levels of living (and that goes person to person — no one else can determine that for me, and I refuse to do that for anyone else), overall until someone wants to change or do something, I’ve found you’ll get haphazard results and half-assed attempts.  And that should never, ever be acceptable — in the church, or anywhere else.

Now, the majority of things I do, I do because I want to.  Because I see the value in it — whether it’s encouraging someone else, or building knowledge and experience into the kids — I do things with a willing and excited heart.  Like I said, there are still a few perfunctory happenings.  But overall, when I do something, it comes from the heart.  And woe unto the unsuspecting person who thinks they can still manipulate me with their spiritual gift of guilt.  I’ve been found to simply laugh in their general direction.

So, here’s a toast (envision me raising my icy cold Coke) to the end of guilt as we know it in my life.  That’s one thing I can guarentee I ain’t gonna miss.