Here’s the conversation …

Me: “I’m just not sure where I stand with God.”

Friend: Smiling, “I don’t think that’s true.”

Me: “Not sure what you’re saying?”

Friend: “I think it’s the other way around. God is never sure where ‘he’ stands with you.”

That’s ironic, isn’t it? Half of me says the conversation is a moot point. Half of me wrestles with what that exactly means. The other half (I’m a pretty big girl) truly and deeply believes God could care less about whether I exist or not.

I’m working on story right now — professionally and personally. I think I’m pretty good at telling an engaging story. I’m the one at the water cooler who can pull people in, and my philosophy is “when in doubt, go for the laugh.”

Fortunately for me, I have a few people who see through the crap. Fortunately for me, I’m very adept at keeping these relationships where I want them. For a good character in a great story, the character has to be real, believable, empathetic and have the ability to pull empathy out of those around them. I’m working on becoming a better story teller — and a “better” character.

That’s why people struggle with issues of faith so much (in my opinion). Whether you believe in God or not, he is a great character in the story of human history. Like him, hate him, or totally disregard any instances of his existence, he “fits the bill” of a protagonist. Or, at least, a classic Greek hero. The entry of Jesus Christ into history, and having him named “God incarnate” made God approachable. The church, in turn, used these two powerful characters and re-wrote history into a vehicle for personal power, manipulating the “character” of God for personal gain.

Enter post-modern philosophies (which are difficult to define, even by those who claim to be among its congregants). Emerging in a culture without common background, strung between the apostates, the heretics, and the traditionalist, what chance does simple faith have? Those of us who still strive to balance the faith and doubt within us find ourselves pulled, manipulated, condemned and not taken seriously, simply because we ask questions. Such is the stuff of the story of faith nowadays — at least where I live.

So, back to my original conversation. I appreciate what my friend said, and in all honesty, on my faith-filled days, I think she’s 100% right. But, most days, I can’t take too much time figuring out what other people think. I have no desire to pontificate and try to swing people to “my side,” because honestly, many days I’m unsure exactly what “side” I stand on. Inside, I have myself figured out (OK, again, most of the time). Outside … I travel from place to place, not trying to offend, but refusing to back down or be beaten up by simple rhetoric by people who really, truly don’t believe what they think they do. And those goes for people on either side of the church walls.

I promised myself I wouldn’t let this blog become something that is used against me, or those I love and care about. So, if you’re reading this and become offended … sorry. If you read this and think I’m “lost” on either side of the argument … you’re wrong. And if you’re really, truly my friend, we’ll talk a lot about a lot of things, and not stall on one simple piece of the story puzzle.

Just keep reading …



  1. societyvs Said:

    “I promised myself I wouldn’t let this blog become something that is used against me, or those I love and care about” (HLIT)

    Soemtimes we must sacrifice for the future to be better. Sometimes we must open wounds so they heal better. And sometimes we just need to be who we are.

    If your blog is not a place for you to be you – then what is it?

  2. hippylostintime Said:

    Jason … yeah, I forgot about that stinking insight you have. I’ve been (needlessly) wrestling with that statement since I wrote it. I have to be who I am … it’s just a matter of when the disclosure is most appropriate, you know? Thanks for sticking with me through all the changes!

  3. societyvs Said:

    HLIT – I stick aroud because this stuff is interesting to me. The situations you go through are not unique to yourself – but to many others out there also. It is worth knowing about – how it effects someone, their thoughts on it, and how this is not neccesarily a ‘bad’ thing…it helps me to be able to relate better to others situations in some way.

    Plus, I just like people’s life stories.

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