I love autumn! My absolute favorite time of year (OK, one of my top three — I also love that first, soul-warming day of summer, and the first huge-flake, run out of the house in your jammies snowfall). I love the sights — the sunny days, filtering through the constantly changing leaf scheme outside my window; the chilly motorbike rides that make you breath deep and be thankful for the little things; the smells of apple sauce (I froze 17 quarts yesterday), cinnamon-lace tea, goodies baking (because it’s cool enough to stoke the oven again), and old books being cracked open because school is underway.
I’m such a symbol-tied person. I always revele in the change of seasons — now, the earth preparing to give its one last hurrah before settling down to its long winter’s nap. A big part of me wants to just hunker down under my comforter and read, or watch an old movie, or just bake! But like autumn, I still have some things to get done before the snow flies. Not only physically (just one garden bed left to prepare for winter; the rest are weeded and raked, and the pool is closed!), but emotionally, career-wise and especially mentally.
Met last night with a friend who has offered to be a “life coach” for me. It’s interesting, because she’s had training with asking the questions that hopefully will kick my butt and help me focus on what I really want to “do with my life,” which is write. I’ve also hooked up with another friend who’s willing to go through some writing exercises on-line with me — kind of like a writing accountability course. And, my dear friend V. is going to do a “mini” book club with me with one of our favorite fiction writers.
My life has been pretty “outward” focuses for quite a while. First it was the good church wife complex that almost killed me. Then, it was the Starbuck’s experience — do I continue on in that corportation, heading toward management, etc. The recent developments there, though, have set me on a path of probably only working there another six months or so. And then there’s the whole “big boy” going off to Chicago and then to college — a major shift in the family dynamic that I thought I was prepared for, but know now am woefully lacking the emotional strength it will take. Plus, the “big girl” is about to get her driver’s permit (when did she get older?). The “little boy” is taking fledgling steps into being a teenager, and even the little one needs me less and less each day.
So here I am, standing at a “major” transition point. A season (proverbally enough) where I’m actually 
looking inward a bit. Realigning priorities. Putting some action to the words I’ve been speaking for years.
It’s scary — but fun! Exciting — like, maybe I could really do this. I’m a person who likes to “think big,” but when it comes to implementation … I drag my feet a bit. OK, a lot sometimes. And while I’ll tell you I love change — when it comes to major life shifts, I tend to be hesitant because I forget that there’s always “life before” something, and probably “life after” something. The last big change I went through basically changed my personality and my entire way of thinking. It’s take four years to even recognize I might actually survive it. Jury’s still out, though …
Anyway, so here I stand, excited, intrepid, anxious and reflective, all in the same breath. Autumn this year is such a visual reminder of what’s going on inside. Probably more than ever before, though, I’m facing the changing season with anticipation instead of dread. There’s that “hope” thing again. I’m finding it’s not such a bad thing — depending on where you look.
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